A Sudden Spotlight

Written
January 1, 2020
Occurred
January 16, 2002
a render of a city by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash. Modified using XnView. Experimentation is something we do a lot as kids. It's something we tend to keep from the adults around us because we fear how they will react. Sometimes, we come forward to them and they're cool about it. Sometimes they're not. It's harder to come forward if you don't expect a good reaction, or worse, you don't know WHAT reaction to expect because you're not aware of any implicit bias around you (yet). Between 2000 and 2002, I experimented with peers in private settings, and I privately affirmed my homosexuality by the time I was discharged from South Oaks in Amityville, where one mutual experimentation (and one abuse) took place. The other two took place at 99 Evans Avenue in Spring 1998.
The date was January 16, 2002 at about 4 in the afternoon. I was arriving home after school. I had finally been transferred out of a class where I had been beaten up repeatedly to the one across the hall, run by [#a3k39h]. I felt at ease, knowing I wouldn't get the beatdowns I frequently was subject to like the first day. Then someone got the attention of [#a4a02s] and said they had something juicy to share. I wanted to beat the crap out of [#p7g02m] but I knew I wouldn't make it in time. He pretty much dropped the ball on me and said "Eric likes boys and he's fooled around with several of them right here in Bradish."
Given that my secret was out, I immediately outed several of my peers ( [#p4t62m] , [#p2a88s],[#p1m06g], [#p4k33k], and [#p0j30s]) in prior trysts, although they categorically denied the accusations, even after Bradish Cottage was dissolved later that summer. I'm aware of this because I dug through [#a0e74b]'s desk and saw a lot of one liners on those IR's. I continued to accuse them of this conduct until the cottage was dissolved, and I was repeatedly a target of assault by those individuals. Staff made no effort to investigate my claims and allowed my peers to remain in the closet at my expense. Without them as an outlet, I began sexually violating people at scale, including a future cottagemate.
As recently as 2014, I made this same mistake with [#p5a70g], a former roommate. I had a lot of time to think on New York City Streets, and I decided the only way to avoid the kind of hurt I endured was to ensure that:
• The guy I'm dating has no baggage, no matter how hot
• The individual is out to friends and family or has a post like this one publicly available
• is within five years of my age
• has equal societal standing with me
This story (and some others) are stubs. This means that I talk about what is immediate to the subject matter to one degree. I might embed links in some lines that will provide context to this story at later dates.

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