Big Fat Buyer

Written
May 24, 2020
Occurred
Summer 2013-Spring 2014
a photo of a grocery storefront with yellow shopping carts in the foreground by Clark Young, courtesy Unsplash I'm pretty pleased with the shape I'm in now. I have worked hard to not only lose my weight, but keep it off by more closely analyzing foods that brought out my worst binging instances. It wasn't easy, because when you attempt to do so, you can't simply ignore the binge mentality, otherwise it will return with a vengeance, and before you know it, you'll be inflating and deflating more often a year than Ricki Lake.
My tendency to jump into bed with other men on shallow pretenses and my inability throughout 2012 through 2015 to personally determine the difference between love and lust played a primary role in my stress. I put myself in situations I didn't need to be in, and I took on roles I should have avoided, and this contributed to my astronomical gain in weight.
Another factor was that my idea of portions was flawed. During my first Capital Region residency, the amount of food I had access to was controlled, and the portions were predetermined for me whether I liked it or not. I was lucky if I got the corner piece of a cake with or without asking (I had a 56% success rate). When I came back, I didn't hold back, and that did not help.
One of the most important things that I learned as I watched the pounds pack on is that my worst impulses, whether it was worrying about things I could safely ignore or stress eating, was that boredom was another major catalyst to my weight gain. I realized that sitting inside the living room watching daytime television (some of which is very toxic viewing) was not a good way to burn the calories.
Stimulating my mind was (and still is) just as important as stimulating my body. I realized this at one point and considered higher education as a way to steer my mind in a more constructive way. It was also an opportunity for me to start a new chapter while closing another one. Unfortunately, I didn't get to do that, and SUNY Westchester's actions got in the way of me addressing this inadequacy.
You're allowed to cheat every once in a while. If you don't, it'll occur when it's least convenient. I still dedicate a single Friday a month to eating an entire pizza pie, just like I did when I used to be homeless (except that was every week), and I indulge in my roommate's sweet creations every now and then, because you are allowed to treat yourself. Most diets discourage this.
Most importantly of all, there is no keeping this weight off unless you strive to reduce or eliminate these potentially harmful ingredients, which are prevalent in 74% of all foods in a supermarket at any given trip. These ingredients are the source of many co-morbidities that are killing so many Bronx County residents right now, and many people who have the platform to point this out refuse to do so, either because they're staring at the end of a barrel or their financial stakes are in too deep.
Take it from someone who's made the mistake - please think before you chew.

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